Monday, January 27, 2014

Thinking about my grandpa today...

My sweet grandpa passed away this summer. We lived with my grandparents until I was four years old and then lived in the same small town as they did until I was 18.  Any chance I got I stayed at the ranch with grandpa and grandma.  Grandpa would wake up early, as usual, and turn up the heat in winter or turn off the fans in the windows if it was summer.  Then go out and turn on the radio and start breakfast.

After we ate, we would go check the garden.  Or maybe go drive around in the pasture and shoot gophers.  And he would never complain when I missed again and again.  Although he did make me go pick up the gophers and bring them back for the cats.  At least he let me use gloves and the pliers to pick them up!
There were always little jobs to do around the ranch.  Sometimes we needed to go fill the drinking water down at the windmill, or fix fence.  He even tried to teach me to weld.  Looking back, he must have had more than his fair share of patience.

I used to love to ride my horse all over the place and grandpa would come find me if I was running late for supper.

We went to the same church and I still remember leaning against his scratchy wool coat and listening to his voice rumble as he sang.

I feel like I've come to miss him more and more over these past few months... Grandma gave me some of his old flannel shirts and each time I wear one all I can see is him standing in the kitchen making us breakfast. And I don't so much wish he was still here as much as I wish I could go back to when I lived all those memories.

I had a dream recently that he was still alive and he was still out at the ranch.  And when I woke up, for a minute, I forgot that he was gone.  It was like losing him all over again.  I felt sad all day.

It seems that we sort of downplay the loss of an older person or a grandparent seeing as how they aren't a parent or a child or a spouse.  But he meant just as much to me. He is such a vital part of who I am.  I think every one of us grandchildren knew we were grandpa's favorite. :')

Today is his birthday so I'm thinking even more about him than usual.  I hope that I can be at least half the person he was.  He was strong, hard-working, loving and fun.  As a family, my grandparents filled their lives with so many EXPERIENCES.  I want to share life with my family the way they did with theirs.  And I can't wait to meet back up again with him someday in heaven.  Until then I will keep him close in my memories and heart.

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